7 - The Lost Art of Listening and Why It’s a Competitive Advantage

Active listening in a noisy world. Includes real tools for improving listening presence

We’ve all been there. You’re in a meeting. Someone’s talking, but your brain is already 10 steps ahead. You’re half-listening, half-planning your reply. Or worse, checking your phone. Then they say, “So what do you think?” and you realise you’ve got no idea what they just said.

In a fast-moving SME, it’s easy to treat listening like a background task, something that happens while we think, do, or plan. But poor listening comes at a cost. Misunderstood instructions, lost context, repeated work, missed warning signs, damaged trust.

Good listening isn’t just polite. It’s a performance skill. When people feel heard, they open up. They think more clearly. They take more responsibility. And they’re more likely to tell you the truth before a problem becomes a crisis.

Why Listening Has Slipped

We live in a noisy world. Most SME leaders are time-poor and stretched thin. Conversations get crammed between jobs, squeezed into emails, or layered over Teams chat and Slack pings.

At the same time, we’re taught to value talking. We reward decisiveness, speed and confident responses. But in the rush to speak, we often forget to listen.

Add in stress, distractions, assumptions and multitasking and it’s no wonder so many conversations go sideways.

But here’s the good news - listening is a skill. Not a personality trait. You can practise it, improve it and use it as a quiet competitive edge.

What Active Listening Looks Like

Active listening means being fully present with someone. Not just hearing the words, but paying attention to tone, pace, emotion and body language. It also means reflecting back, asking clarifying questions and resisting the urge to interrupt or hijack the story.

In practical terms, it looks like this -

• Facing the person fully

• Making eye contact (when culturally appropriate)

• Nodding or giving short verbal cues like “I see” or “go on”

• Letting the person finish without jumping in

• Pausing before responding

• Asking, “Is there anything else on your mind?” before moving on

None of this is complicated. But it does take intention. Because the biggest barrier to listening well is assuming you're already doing it.

Common Listening Traps in SMEs

1. Listening to reply
You’re halfway through your response before the other person has finished. This kills connection and often misses the point.

2. Listening with an agenda
You’re trying to steer the conversation to where you want it to go. So, you cherry-pick what you hear and ignore the rest.

3. Listening through assumptions
You’ve already decided what they’re going to say or how they feel. So, you fill in the blanks instead of hearing the full story.

4. Multitasking while pretending to listen
You’re nodding while checking emails. The person knows you’re not really with them, even if they don’t say it.

Tools to Improve Your Listening Presence

1. Clear the distractions

Put down your phone. Turn away from your screen. Close your laptop if you're not using it to take notes. Show the person they have your full attention.

2. Slow your breathing

Take one slow breath before the conversation starts. It helps you shift gears from rushing to listening. You can also use this technique mid-conversation to stay present.

3. Reflect back

Once the person finishes speaking, summarise what you heard.
Example - “So what I’m hearing is that the delay wasn’t just about materials, it was also the lack of clarity from the client. Is that right?”

This helps confirm understanding and shows the person you’re truly engaged.

4. Wait two seconds before speaking

When they finish, let there be a beat of silence. It gives you space to absorb and gives them space to add anything they may have held back.

5. Ask one more question

Before wrapping up, ask something like -

• “Anything else I should know?”

• “How are you feeling about what we just discussed?”

• “Is there a part of this that’s still unclear?”

Often the best insights come right at the end, if you make room for them.

A Real Example - When Listening Changed Everything

Auckland-based business owner Joe thought his Operations Manager, Miri, was struggling with motivation. She seemed flat in meetings and had missed a few deadlines.

Joe pulled her in for a one-on-one, ready to ask, “What’s going on with your workload?”

But he stopped himself. Instead, he said, “How’s everything feeling for you at the moment?” Then he let her talk.

What followed surprised him. Miri had been carrying the emotional load of a family situation while trying to keep her team steady. She didn’t need less work. She needed clearer direction and a chance to share how she was feeling without judgement.

Joe said very little in that meeting. But listening - really listening, helped them reset expectations, strengthen trust and improve performance over the next quarter.

Listening as a Leadership Advantage

People want to feel heard. If you’re a business owner or team leader, being someone who listens well gives you -

• Early warning signs before small problems become expensive

• Better ideas from staff who feel safe enough to share them

• More loyalty because people feel respected

• More accurate information because people don’t hide or sugar-coat things

Listening well doesn’t mean you agree with everything. It means people know they’ve been understood before you make a call.

What to Watch Out For

If you find yourself doing the following, it’s time to pause and reset -

• Finishing people’s sentences

• Jumping in with advice before they ask for it

• Talking more than the other person in a one-on-one

• Repeating the same issue with a staff member and not getting to the root of it

• Using phrases like “I hear you, but...” too quickly

Listening well often means saying less. It’s not silence. It’s presence.

Final Thought

In an SME, you don’t always need another strategy or software tool. Sometimes, you just need a quieter mind and a better question.

Listening is a business skill. One that improves performance, strengthens culture and creates space for better decisions.

When you listen like it matters, it does.

Next up, we’ll explore what your body language is saying - because sometimes, it speaks louder than words.

If you’d like a confidential, free of charge, free of obligation conversation about your business, here’s how to get me.

📞 Phone +64 275 665 682
✉️ Email john.luxton@regenerationhq.co.nz
🌐 Contact Form www.regenerationhq.co.nz/contact

If you’d like to read more RegenerationHQ thinking on SME business and other things, go here – www.regenerationhq.co.nz/articlesoverview

🔹 RegenerationHQ Ltd - Business Problems Solved Sensibly.
Supporting NZ SME Owners to Exit Well, Lead Better and Build Business Value.