2. Building Trust by Letting Go

How Vulnerability Fuels Connection

Let’s get something out of the way. I used to think trust was earned by being competent. Sharp. Sorted. Tidy little notepad. Answers ready. Firm handshake. Steely eye contact. The kind of leader who turns up five minutes early and smells faintly of productivity.

But that’s not how trust actually works.

Turns out, trust comes not when people think you’ve got everything under control. It comes when they see you being brave enough to admit when you don’t.

Funny, that.

That time I tried to be “inspiring” and just made everyone awkward

I once ran a team offsite where I’d planned a “courageous leadership” session. I had it all lined up. Big printed workbook. Icebreaker questions. Motivational quote from Mandela. I was ready to lead people right into the heart of their authentic selves.

Nobody bought it.

I stood there, trying to lead by example, talking about courage and growth and no one said a word. Except for one poor soul who asked if there were any snacks.

Then someone said quietly, “I think we’d feel more comfortable if you went first.”

Right. Of course.

I hadn’t actually been vulnerable. I’d just been talking about it. Lecturing about trust while wearing a full emotional hazmat suit.

Once I finally dropped the act and told the truth about something I was genuinely struggling with in the business, the entire tone changed. Someone else shared. Then another. Then the snacks came out and things got real.

People opened up because someone else did first.

It always works that way.

Trust doesn’t grow from perfection. It grows from permission

When leaders act like they’ve got it all figured out, people don’t relax. They clam up. Because if the person in charge is acting like the gold standard is “never fail, never doubt, never sweat,” then who’s going to raise their hand and say, “Actually, I’m struggling over here”?

It’s too risky.

But if a leader opens that door, even just a crack, then suddenly it’s safer for others to do the same. Vulnerability in leadership creates a kind of invisible permission slip for everyone else.

You’re not lowering the bar. You’re making it safe to be honest.

Which is where real trust comes from.

Let go to connect

A lot of leaders hold on tight. We hold on to our authority. Our image. Our role. That voice in our head saying, “You’re the boss, act like it.”

But sometimes, acting like a boss just means acting.

If you’re trying to project confidence while secretly doubting yourself, people pick up on it. No matter how tidy your haircut is. Humans are wired for this. We’re like emotional bloodhounds.

People feel when something’s off. And when they do, they stop trusting.

Here’s the alternative. Let go of the idea that being vulnerable will make people think less of you. Let go of the belief that authority means always being right. Let go of the performance.

You don’t need it.

Trust grows when people see that you’re willing to show up as yourself.

What happens when leaders get real

I’ve watched teams change completely, just from one vulnerable moment by a leader.

Someone finally says, “I don’t know how to fix this, and I’m worried too,” and suddenly everyone exhales.

Someone says, “I made a mistake,” and people stop blaming and start solving.

Someone shares something real - not overly dramatic or emotionally intense, just honest and it opens up a whole new way of working together.

These moments change the culture. One small crack in the armour and people realise they don’t need to wear theirs either.

Trust. Grows. Fast.

But isn’t that risky?

Of course it is. You might get judged. You might get misunderstood. You might even feel a bit foolish.

But here’s what’s more risky. Pretending.

Pretending to be fine. Pretending you’re not tired. Pretending you’ve got everything under control when your inbox looks like a mild crime scene and your calendar feels like a practical joke.

That kind of pretending doesn’t build trust. It builds distance and teams can feel it. Clients can feel it. Even your dog can probably feel it. (Especially your dog).

Try this instead

Next time you’re in a team meeting, and someone asks how you’re doing, try telling the truth. Not the whole truth. Just a bit of it.

Say something human. Say, “Honestly, I’m a bit stuck on this one.” Say, “I need your help.” Say, “I’m trying to be better at this, and it’s not easy.”

See what happens.

Trust doesn’t come from titles. It doesn’t come from clever phrases or LinkedIn posts with three hashtags and a stock photo of a sunrise. It comes from human-to-human connection. The kind that only happens when someone has the guts to go first.

What’s possible?

When leaders start letting go of the old image of what a boss is supposed to be, the whole tone of a business can change.

Suddenly people aren’t performing for each other. They’re collaborating. They’re speaking up. They’re admitting mistakes early instead of hiding them until they explode. They’re making each other better.

Vulnerability is the gateway to trust. And trust is the ground everything else grows from.

Culture. Innovation. Loyalty. Momentum. Growth.

All of it starts with connection.

And connection? That starts with someone being brave enough to drop the act.

We’ll talk more about mistakes in the next one. The juicy kind. The kind you’d rather bury in a shallow grave under the office pot plant.

But here’s a teaser. What if the things you’re most embarrassed about as a leader could actually be your biggest leadership assets?

Stranger things have happened.