The Minister Who Mistook Silence for Applause

The naughty nurses were mean to a poor, defenceless Simeon..

Simeon Brown walked into the nurses’ AGM this week convinced he was about to tame a taniwha. Instead, he got the political equivalent of an icy dunk tank - nurses turning their backs, arms folded, the silence so sharp you could hear the fluorescent lights buzzing. Most of us would interpret that as hostile. Simeon? He called it a “very warm welcome.”

This is not just spin - it’s self-delusion bordering on performance art. If the Titanic had had Simeon at the wheel, he’d have called the iceberg “an opportunity for nautical engagement” and congratulated himself on the cold but “supportive” embrace of the North Atlantic.

Here’s the truth - New research says hospitals are 587 nurses short on every shift across the country. That’s not a gap, it’s a chasm. It means cancer wards running on fumes, emergency departments like warzones, and patients treated in corridors while politicians wag their fingers at staff for daring to ask for help. The nurses’ union says thousands more hires are needed. The government says, “Nah, we’re good.” That’s like watching your house burn down and reassuring the neighbours you’ve got it under control, because the cat bowl still has water in it.

But Brown’s masterstroke wasn’t the denial. No, his genius was blaming the strikes. He singled out a premature baby who missed skin-to-skin time because nurses walked out. The gall. As though the nurses themselves created the chronic shortages, collapsing rosters and unbearable stress that made striking the last resort. It’s like starving a firefighter, refusing them equipment, then blaming them when the house goes up in flames.

This government’s strategy is clear - vilify the workers, downplay the shortages and cling to “progress” like a drunk clutching a lamp post. Health NZ literally had to be dragged by the Ombudsman into admitting that more than half of all day shifts were understaffed last year and when they were caught, they apologised with all the sincerity of a kid caught with a stolen lolly in his pocket.

Meanwhile, Brown insists he’s looking the taniwha in the eye. But let’s be honest - this isn’t courage. It’s arrogance wrapped in wilful ignorance. He stares at a union full of exhausted nurses and sees not human beings crying out for safe staffing, but political enemies to be scolded from the sanctity of his electorate office window. That’s not leadership - it’s cosplay with a ministerial warrant card.

The cruel irony? The public actually likes nurses. Loves them, even. Ask anyone who’s been stitched back together at 2am or had their mum’s life prolonged by compassionate care. They’ll tell you nurses are angels, saints, miracle-workers. Politicians, by contrast, rank somewhere between call centre hold music and dental drills. If Simeon thinks he’s going to pit “the people” against nurses, he’s going to find himself very lonely in the ring.

But maybe loneliness suits him. After all, when an entire room turns its back on you and the only sound is the echo of your own delusion, what’s one more wedge driven between yourself and the country?

So here we are -  a health system bleeding out, nurses treated like villains for refusing to die quietly at their posts and a minister so tone-deaf he could be hired to play percussion in a marching band. If this is what looking the taniwha in the eye looks like, then the taniwha is probably laughing its scaly arse off.

Want to agree or chastise me for my take?

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