11 - Reputation is Built in Silence – The Power of Non-Verbal Cues

Subtle communication and how it shapes perception and influence

You can’t always control what people say about you. But you do influence what they feel about you and a lot of that happens in silence.

In a busy New Zealand SME, reputation is built every day, often without words. It’s in how you carry yourself. How you show up. How you respond when things go sideways. Long before you open your mouth, or long after you’ve spoken, your non-verbal cues are doing the talking.

This article explores how subtle signals shape how others perceive you and how to use that awareness to lead with more influence and integrity.

Reputation Isn’t What You Say - It’s What They Experience

You might see yourself as approachable, clear, or calm under pressure. But if your body language, tone, or silence tells a different story, people will believe what they feel, not what you intend.

Think about -

• The manager who says, “I’m always available,” but looks annoyed when people knock on the door.

• The team member who claims to be confident but rarely makes eye contact or speaks up.

• The leader who stays silent when tension arises, hoping it’ll blow over, but the team sees it as avoidance.

None of this requires shouting or sarcasm. The damage, or the trust - is built in quiet cues.

What Are Non-Verbal Cues?

These are the subtle, often unconscious behaviours that influence how others read your intent and character. They include -

• Facial expressions – Frowns, smiles, eye movements, tension

• Posture – Upright and open vs slouched or defensive

• Gestures – Hand movement, fidgeting, pacing

• Tone and pace of speech – Calm, rushed, sarcastic, flat

• Silence – Pausing, withholding, or choosing not to speak at key moments

• Energy – The “vibe” you bring into a room - stressed, calm, tense, distracted

Even when you're not speaking, you're communicating.

Why It Matters in a Small Business

In a small or medium enterprise, your presence carries more weight. People see you more often, in more situations and notice patterns.

Over time, your non-verbal signals start to form a story. They become part of your “brand” inside the business.

Are you seen as -

• Calm and steady under pressure?

• Approachable and warm?

• Sharp but unpredictable?

• Kind but unclear?

• Reliable, distracted, reactive, thoughtful?

That story gets reinforced, or quietly rewritten - every time you walk into a meeting, speak to a supplier, respond to a mistake, or handle a client wobble.

A Real Example - Quietly Losing the Room

James ran a construction firm in South Auckland. He was efficient, fair and always said he had an “open-door policy”. But the team had stopped bringing him issues. Turnover was creeping up. One of his long-time staff members, Marama, finally told him why -

“You don’t yell James, but when someone tells you something’s gone wrong, your face goes tight, your arms cross and you stare at the wall. It makes people feel shut down. Like they’ve disappointed you.”

He was stunned. He thought he was staying calm by going quiet. But silence wasn’t safety. It was disapproval. His reputation had quietly shifted and it took real effort to rebuild that trust.

Four Non-Verbal Habits That Shape Your Reputation

1. How You Enter a Room

Do you rush in, head down, already talking? Or do you pause, make eye contact and acknowledge the room?

Your first five seconds say a lot. People decide whether they’re safe to engage based on your body and tone - before you speak a word.

2. How You React to Tension

In hard conversations, silence is often read as judgement. Fast talking can be seen as panic. A raised eyebrow can do more damage than a harsh word.

Tip - Stay open in posture. Slow your breathing. Acknowledge what’s happening with calm, short phrases like -

“Let’s slow this down”
“I’m hearing the frustration”
“Let’s make sure we’re not talking past each other”

3. What You Do When You’re Listening

Good listeners don’t just hear - they show they’re listening. That means eye contact, nodding, stillness and removing distractions.

Tapping a pen, checking your phone, glancing at your watch - these cues speak louder than “I’m listening”.

4. Your Recovery Moves

Nobody gets it right all the time. You might frown without realising, sigh too loudly, or walk away from conflict. Reputation is built on what you do next.

Try -

“I think that came across more sharply than I meant. Let me reset.”
“I realise I looked pretty unimpressed just now - I was surprised, not annoyed.”
“I went quiet there, but I was just processing. Thanks for bearing with me.”

That self-awareness builds trust faster than pretending nothing happened.

How to Start Noticing Your Own Cues

You don’t need to become self-conscious or robotic. Just start paying gentle attention.

Try -

• Asking a trusted team member, “How do I come across when I’m under pressure?”

• Filming yourself presenting and watching with the sound off

• Practising stillness and calm expression before a difficult meeting

• Watching people’s faces when you speak - is there confusion, ease, tension?

Non-verbal habits can be changed. But they can’t be changed if you never see them.

Final Thought

You don’t need to be the loudest voice in the room to build influence. Often, it’s your quiet consistency - how you show up, how you hold space, how you respond that defines your reputation.

Your team, your clients, your suppliers - they’re always watching, even when they’re not consciously judging. Your non-verbal cues are writing your story in real time.

So next time you walk into a room, sit down at the table, or face a hard moment, ask yourself, “What’s my silence saying right now?”

In the next section, we’ll dive into the moments when communication gets hard -starting with how to be assertive without being aggressive.

If you’d like a confidential, free of charge, free of obligation conversation about your business, here’s how to get me.

📞 Phone +64 275 665 682
✉️ Email john.luxton@regenerationhq.co.nz
🌐 Contact Form www.regenerationhq.co.nz/contact

If you’d like to read more RegenerationHQ thinking on SME business and other things, go here – www.regenerationhq.co.nz/articlesoverview

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Supporting NZ SME Owners to Exit Well, Lead Better and Build Business Value.