16 - Filters, Frames and Assumptions – What Really Gets Heard
Unpacking the ‘frame of reference’ concept and its impact in diverse teams
You said it clearly. They nodded. You even followed up in writing. But somewhere between your mouth and their mind, the meaning changed. That’s because communication isn’t just about sending a message, it’s about what the other person hears and what they hear depends on their filters, frames and assumptions.
In a New Zealand SME, especially in diverse teams with different ages, roles, cultures and backgrounds, these filters shape how people interpret your words, often without either of you realising.
If you want to avoid misunderstandings, conflict and missed opportunities, you need to understand the invisible layer underneath every conversation - the frame of reference.
What Is a Frame of Reference?
A frame of reference is the mental lens through which someone views the world. It’s shaped by -
Life experience
Culture
Language and education
Personality and work style
Past feedback and successes
Unspoken expectations
Emotional state
Think of it as a set of invisible glasses. Everyone wears their own pair. You don’t get to swap them. But you can learn how they affect what’s heard.
The Same Words, Heard Differently
Here’s how it plays out in real life -
“We need to move faster on this.”
A new team member might hear - “I’m failing.”
A senior staffer might hear - “Let’s cut the red tape.”
A cautious person might hear - “Risk quality for speed.”
A burnt-out worker might hear - “Brace yourself, more pressure’s coming.”
The words didn’t change. But the meaning did, filtered through each person’s experiences and beliefs.
Why This Matters in SME Teams
In a smaller business -
People interact across functions and seniority more often
Roles are less rigid - everyone wears more than one hat
Time pressure is common, which can magnify assumptions
Cultural diversity may be high, even in a tight-knit team
If people are regularly misunderstanding each other, it’s not a sign they’re “difficult”. It’s a sign that the frames aren’t being noticed or accounted for.
Real Example - One Phrase, Two Reactions
In a design firm based in Tauranga, the manager, Tania, told her team, “Let’s make sure the client feels looked after.”
One team member interpreted that as, “Overdeliver, be available after hours, say yes to everything.” Another interpreted it as, “Be polite, but stick to scope and timeframes.”
The team delivered two totally different experiences. The issue wasn’t effort. It was interpretation.
After talking it through, they agreed on a shared definition - prompt communication, clear boundaries and delivering as promised. From then on, “looked after” meant the same thing to everyone.
How to Spot a Frame-of-Reference Mismatch
Watch for -
People nodding but later doing something different
Repeated questions about the same topic
Confusion over “simple” instructions
Unexpected emotional reactions to neutral statements
Frequent sentences starting with “I thought you meant…”
If you’re seeing these patterns, it’s time to check for filters.
How to Bridge the Gap
You can’t remove someone’s filters, but you can communicate through them more effectively.
1. Be Specific - Avoid Ambiguity
Words like “quickly”, “better”, “soon”, “sorted”, “looked after”, “needs attention” sound clear to you, but everyone defines them differently.
Instead, say -
“Please send that by 3pm Thursday.”
“We need to reduce client wait times by two days.”
“Can you review this before lunch and give me a go/no-go?”
2. Ask What They Heard
Don’t assume the message landed just because they nodded.
Try -
“What’s your take on that?”
“How are you thinking of approaching it?”
“Just to check, what’s your understanding of the next step?”
These questions don’t question their ability - they check for alignment.
3. Listen for the Frame Behind the Response
If someone reacts strongly to a simple message, pause.
You could ask -
“I feel like that didn’t land how I meant it - how did it come across to you?”
“Was there something about that that didn’t sit right?”
These questions show care, not control. They can help uncover hidden assumptions.
Building Shared Frames in Your Team
It’s not about becoming mind-readers. It’s about creating common language and expectations over time.
Try -
Defining common phrases together
(“What do we mean by ‘done well’? Let’s write that down.”)Using examples and visuals
(“Here’s what a great client report looks like.”)Having regular debriefs
(“What worked? What confused people? How could we phrase that better next time?”)Noticing cultural or role-based blind spots
(“What’s normal for me might not be for you - let’s talk about that.”)
When You’re on the Receiving End
You have a frame too. Own it.
If something feels off, check your assumptions
If a message seems harsh, ask for clarification
If you’re unsure what’s expected, speak up
Try -
“Can I check - what does ‘prioritise this’ look like in practice?”
“When you say ‘a bit behind’, are we talking hours or days?”
Clarifying is a strength, not a weakness.
Final Thought
Communication doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It travels through layers of lived experience, expectations and emotion. The better you understand someone’s frame of reference and your own, the better your chances of landing the message the way you meant it.
When teams get this right, misunderstandings drop. Trust rises. People stop making assumptions and start having better conversations.
Next, we’ll explore how to build communication systems that actually support clarity -rather than drown people in noise.
If you’d like a confidential, free of charge, free of obligation conversation about your business, here’s how to get me.
📞 Phone +64 275 665 682
✉️ Email john.luxton@regenerationhq.co.nz
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If you’d like to read more RegenerationHQ thinking on SME business and other things, go here – www.regenerationhq.co.nz/articlesoverview
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