14 - Feedback Without Fallout – Conversations That Improve Performance
How to give and receive feedback so it builds capability and trust
Feedback can be a gift. Or it can feel like a slap in the face.
Done well, it builds trust, sharpens performance and helps people grow. Done poorly, it creates defensiveness, confusion and resentment. In a New Zealand SME, where people work closely and wear many hats, feedback becomes more than just a performance tool - it’s part of your culture.
So why do so many of us avoid it, fumble it, or regret it? Usually, it’s not because we lack something to say. It’s because we fear what will happen when we say it.
This article is about giving and receiving feedback in a way that strengthens relationships and builds capability, instead of causing unnecessary damage.
Why Feedback Conversations Go Wrong
Most feedback fails for one of three reasons -
It’s vague
“You need to step up more” doesn’t tell someone what to actually do.It’s delivered too late
By the time it’s shared, the behaviour has become a habit, or the damage is already done.It’s emotionally loaded
Delivered in a moment of frustration or stress, it feels more like a dumping session than a useful conversation.
Add to that the Kiwi tendency to “soften the blow” or “just get on with it” and you’ve got a recipe for confusion or avoidance.
But there’s another way.
Feedback Is a Skill, Not a Personality Trait
You don’t have to be blunt, charismatic, or highly trained to give good feedback. You just need a few clear principles, a little practice and a steady tone.
Think of feedback as two things -
Information that helps someone improve
A signal that you care enough to help them do better
When delivered well, feedback builds trust. It says, “I see you and I believe in your potential.”
Before You Start - Check Your Motive
Ask yourself -
What is the behaviour I want to change or reinforce?
What impact is it having?
Do I want to help this person succeed, or just get something off my chest?
Feedback that helps people grow starts from the right motive.
A Simple Structure - Observation / Impact / Request
This framework keeps you on track and removes the emotion without watering down the message.
Observation – What did you see or notice (without judgement)?
Impact – What effect did it have?
Request – What would you like them to do differently (or keep doing)?
Example (Corrective) -
“In yesterday’s client meeting, you interrupted twice before the client finished speaking. It seemed to frustrate them and changed the tone of the conversation. Next time, can you let the client finish before jumping in?”
Example (Positive) -
“You stayed calm when the order didn’t arrive and your tone helped the team stay focused. That presence makes a real difference - keep doing that.”
Timing and Environment Matter
Private beats public – Always.
Sooner is better – Don’t let a small issue grow legs.
Safe space matters – Choose a time and place where both of you can focus without distractions.
Ask for permission if unsure – “Can I offer a thought on something I noticed this morning?”
People are more open to feedback when they feel safe, respected and unambushed.
What to Avoid
Generalising – “You always…” or “You never…” closes ears.
Judging character instead of behaviour – Focus on what they did, not who they are.
Layering too much at once – Stick to one point per conversation.
Sandwiching bad news between fake compliments – It confuses the message. Be kind, not blurry.
Receiving Feedback Without Falling Apart
Sometimes you’re on the other side. Here’s how to receive feedback like a pro - even when it stings.
Breathe – Your brain will want to defend. Let the message land first.
Ask questions – “Can you give me an example?” helps clarify.
Avoid reacting straight away – Take a pause. Even say, “I need a minute to process that.”
Say thank you – Even if you disagree. It acknowledges effort.
Decide what’s useful – Not all feedback is accurate. But all of it tells you something about how you’re coming across.
Feedback doesn’t define you. It reveals opportunities.
A Real Example - The Power of One Conversation
In a Hamilton IT firm, team leader Mel noticed that one of her developers, Arjun, often gave great ideas, but his tone sometimes came across as dismissive in team meetings.
Rather than let it fester, Mel sat down with him.
“In the last couple of meetings, your points have been strong, but a few people have said they felt dismissed by your delivery. I know that’s not your intention, but it’s affecting how your input lands. Would you be open to slowing down a little and checking tone when you disagree?”
Arjun hadn’t realised. He was passionate, not rude, but the message had been lost in translation. He adjusted. The team relaxed. And Mel’s credibility went up - not just for spotting the issue, but for handling it with care.
Build a Feedback Habit
Don’t wait for problems. Use feedback as an everyday leadership tool -
Give positive feedback weekly – Catch people doing something right.
Normalise it in your team – “Can I give you a quick bit of feedback?” becomes a safe, common phrase.
Ask for it, too – “Anything I could’ve handled differently today?” shows you walk the talk.
In a strong team, feedback is expected, not feared.
Final Thought
Feedback isn’t about fault. It’s about growth.
Done with respect, clarity and care, it becomes one of the most powerful tools in your business toolkit. It helps people improve, strengthens relationships and keeps performance on track without surprises. Speak the truth. Listen with openness. Then move forward together.
Next, we step back to look at the big picture - how communication connects to company culture.
If you’d like a confidential, free of charge, free of obligation conversation about your business, here’s how to get me.
📞 Phone +64 275 665 682
✉️ Email john.luxton@regenerationhq.co.nz
🌐 Contact Form www.regenerationhq.co.nz/contact
If you’d like to read more RegenerationHQ thinking on SME business and other things, go here – www.regenerationhq.co.nz/articlesoverview
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