13 - How to Say No (Without Burning Bridges)
Boundary-setting language, especially in team and client relationships
Saying yes is easy. It keeps people happy. It avoids awkwardness. It makes you seem helpful and cooperative.
Until it doesn’t.
In a busy New Zealand SME, the habit of saying yes to every request, favour, deadline or idea eventually leads to burnout, resentment and broken trust. Not because people are selfish, but because the people who said yes weren’t honest about their limits.
Learning how to say no - clearly, respectfully and without drama, is one of the most valuable communication skills you can develop. It protects time, energy, priorities and relationships.
Because when you say no well, people still feel respected and they’re more likely to respect you in return.
Why Saying No Feels So Hard
Most people don’t struggle with what they want to say. They struggle with how to say it without sounding unhelpful or confrontational.
We worry about being -
Seen as difficult
Letting people down
Missing out on opportunities
Being judged or criticised
Causing conflict
So, we soften, stall or give in. We say “maybe” when we mean “no”. Or “I’ll try” when we’re already at capacity. But here’s the truth - unclear or dishonest yeses cause more problems than honest, early no’s.
What Happens When We Don’t Say No
Workloads become unmanageable
Deadlines slip
Clients get inconsistent service
Teams feel stretched and unsupported
Resentment builds silently
Quality drops because too much is being juggled
You can’t do your best work if your energy is divided across too many things. Saying no doesn’t make you rude. It makes you responsible.
The Goal - Firm, Fair and Human
You don’t need to be blunt. You don’t need to apologise for having boundaries. You just need to say no in a way that -
Is clear and unambiguous
Shows respect for the other person
Protects what matters most
Here’s a practical framework.
The Boundary-Setting Formula - Acknowledge / Decline / Offer (if appropriate)
This three-step structure works across most situations—whether you’re dealing with a colleague, client or supplier.
Acknowledge the request
Clearly decline
Offer an alternative if possible - or a brief reason if helpful
Real-Life Examples
1. Saying No to a Team Member
“I get that this feels urgent and I appreciate you raising it. I can’t take that on right now - my focus has to stay on the client rollout. Can you check in with Sam and see if he has capacity?”
2. Saying No to a Client Request Outside Scope
“Thanks for your message. That update falls outside the original scope we agreed to. I’d be happy to provide a quote if you'd like to include it, just let me know.”
3. Saying No to a Sales Request
“I can see the potential in that offer. We’re not taking on any new platforms this quarter, but I’ll keep your details on hand for review in the new year.”
What Makes These Effective?
They acknowledge the person
They clearly say no without apology or guilt
They protect the speaker’s priorities
They offer a path forward or a brief, non-defensive reason
No drama. No over-explaining. Just clear boundaries, spoken with respect.
Language to Avoid
If you’re trying to be clear and confident, steer away from -
“I’m not sure I can…”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to…”
“Maybe we could…”
“Sorry, it’s just that…”
“I’d love to help but…” (when that’s not true)
These water down your message and leave the door ajar for more pressure or confusion.
Instead, try -
“That’s not something I can take on right now.”
“I won’t be able to say yes to that.”
“That’s outside what I’m currently offering.”
“I’m at capacity, so I’ll need to decline.”
You can be warm without being wobbly.
A Real Example - Resetting Client Expectations
In Christchurch, a landscape design business run by Mahina and Josh had a client who kept asking for extra changes - small tweaks, additional site visits, extra samples.
At first, they kept saying yes. They didn’t want to lose the work. But the job ran three weeks over and blew their budget.
Mahina decided to try a different approach. The next time the client asked for a new sketch, she said - “We’re happy to explore that change. It does sit outside the scope we signed off, so we’d treat it as an add-on. Would you like a quick quote?”
The client paused, then said, “Ah, I hadn’t realised. Let’s stick with the current plan.”
Just like that, the boundary held. No anger. No problem. Just clear communication.
What If They Push Back?
Not everyone will accept your no gracefully. If someone pushes, repeat your boundary calmly.
Examples -
“I get that this is frustrating. I still need to stick with my current priorities.”
“I’m not able to do that. If anything changes, I’ll let you know.”
“I hear that you’re disappointed. I’m doing what’s sustainable for our team right now.”
You don’t have to justify. You don’t have to over-explain. A calm, repeated message is more effective than a long excuse.
Final Thought
Saying no doesn’t close doors - it protects the right ones from falling off their hinges.
In a growing SME, your time, energy and focus are limited resources. Protecting them isn’t selfish. It’s smart leadership. When you say no clearly and kindly, you model self-respect. You build trust and you create a workplace where priorities can breathe.
Next up, we’ll explore how to give and receive feedback in a way that helps people grow - instead of shutting them down.
If you’d like a confidential, free of charge, free of obligation conversation about your business, here’s how to get me.
📞 Phone +64 275 665 682
✉️ Email john.luxton@regenerationhq.co.nz
🌐 Contact Form www.regenerationhq.co.nz/contact
If you’d like to read more RegenerationHQ thinking on SME business and other things, go here – www.regenerationhq.co.nz/articlesoverview
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