Minding Our Manners - Why Courtesy in Business Is a Competitive Advantage
Whatever happened to civility?
We are living through what feels like a slow erosion of basic civility. From political discourse to social media comments, from customer service lines to everyday transactions, there’s an unmistakable coarsening in how we speak to and about each other.
Standards of etiquette that once held together the social and professional fabric of society are fraying at the edges and in business, this shift is not only disheartening, it’s dangerous.
We’ve all seen it. Emails with no greetings or signatures, curt replies where collaboration was called for, public takedowns of competitors disguised as “thought leadership,” or businesses that treat customers like nuisances rather than partners.
Rudeness has become almost fashionable in some quarters, passed off as “efficiency,” “disruption,” or even “authenticity.” But scratch the surface and the truth is less flattering. This incivility isn’t strength. It’s a symptom of something unravelling.
Yet, for those who choose to swim against this tide - those who choose manners, dignity and respect - the rewards are greater than ever.
Manners Are Not Outdated - They’re Undervalued
Let’s be clear, good manners in business are not about silverware and pleasantries for their own sake. They are about respect. Respect for time, for labour, for boundaries, for differing perspectives. They reflect a mindset that recognises the humanity of everyone involved - whether it’s a junior intern, a supplier, a competitor, or a difficult customer.
In a world that feels increasingly transactional, manners remind us that business is still and always will be - relational. No technology, no app, no algorithm has ever replaced the fundamental human need to feel seen, heard and respected.
Honour and Dignity Are Business Assets
In a climate of low trust, high speed, and disposable attention spans, businesses that carry themselves with honour and dignity stand out. They send a powerful signal to their clients, staff and the wider market: “We are safe to deal with. We are reliable. We don’t cut corners. We value people.”
This doesn’t mean becoming passive or naïve. Honour in business isn’t about avoiding hard truths or difficult decisions - it’s about how those decisions are made and communicated. It’s about not humiliating people to make a point, not taking short-term wins at the cost of long-term relationships and not tolerating a culture that rewards cruelty as “tough leadership.”
This is not just ethically right - it’s commercially smart.
The Competitive Advantage of Courtesy
People do not forget how you made them feel. If they have a choice and increasingly, they do, they will choose to spend their money, time and loyalty with businesses that treat them with dignity. In an age of commoditisation, where so many offerings are similar in price and quality, the way a business behaves becomes a key differentiator.
The business that calls back when they say they will. The leader who listens before talking. The company that thanks people properly, pays on time and speaks respectfully of its competitors. These things are not quaint. They are memorable and they build reputations that marketing budgets can’t buy.
It’s also worth saying - good manners internally matter just as much. Companies that are courteous to their staff, who respect work-life boundaries, who give constructive feedback rather than cutting criticism, who say “please” and “thank you” even in high-pressure environments - retain better people and those people, in turn, take better care of clients.
Forgiveness, Grace and the Long View
We also need to talk about forgiveness - a cousin of manners that rarely makes it into business strategy decks, but should. Mistakes will happen. Tempers will fray. Businesses will fall short. But when there’s a culture rooted in empathy, people don’t get written off for one misstep. There’s room for learning. Room for repair.
In contrast, where the tone is harsh and punitive, people operate out of fear and fear does not produce excellence. It produces short-termism, politics and burnout.
Grace under pressure, humility in victory, and kindness in daily interactions - these are not signs of weakness. They are the bedrock of trust and trust is the foundation of every great business relationship.
Leading by Example in an Age of Noise
In an age where everyone is shouting, the quiet strength of decency cuts through. Businesses that model good manners are doing more than just standing out - they are setting a standard. They’re showing that success doesn’t have to come at the expense of civility, that we can be ambitious and kind, competitive and fair.
It is entirely possible to lead with both spine and soul. To be rigorous without being rude. To challenge without humiliating. To negotiate fiercely without becoming a bully. These are not contradictory values - they are complementary ones and when they’re integrated into the culture of a business, everyone benefits.
Final Thoughts - Being Good Is Good Business
Ultimately, it’s very simple. No one wants to do business with arseholes - not customers, not staff, not suppliers, not stakeholders. The world is stressful enough. People gravitate toward those who make things easier, not harder; who uplift rather than diminish.
Being a business that operates with good manners - that shows up with honour, treats people with respect, and leads with empathy is not just about doing what’s right. It’s about building a brand and culture that people want to be part of and in a marketplace that values trust, humanity and authenticity more than ever, that is a profound competitive advantage.
So mind your manners. The future of business and society may depend on it.
If you’d like to share your thoughts or discuss further, feel free to reach out. I’d love to hear from you. +64 275 665 682 john.luxton@regenerationhq.co.nz